She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
