Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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