Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
