I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
