So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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