I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
