its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
