I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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