I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
