I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
