Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
