So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
