Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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