I looked at my own cervix.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
