Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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