YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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