I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
