they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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