i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
