i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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