It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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