I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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