Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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