Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
