Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
