Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
