That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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