Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
