I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
