His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
