My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
