is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
