In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
