I bet he comes in French.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
