I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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