So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
