is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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