That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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