i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
