Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
