A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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