i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
