I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
