Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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