What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
