Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
