oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
