So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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