would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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