i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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